A quick story from one day in my brother Scott’s life. He sent out this email to family with the subject “How not to get fired from your job as a rafting guide” (he worked as a guide on the American River.)
Starting in a hole
Just tell your crew you are going to do a back flip out the back of the boat in the middle of the rapid.
Be sure to position a young kid holding on to a lashing rope on the bow of the raft prior to going into the major rapid where there is a professional photographer.
Give yourself a little push
When the boat is starting to gather tension as it is flexing, get ready to spring.
Just as the boat reaches it’s apex, push with your legs with all your might.
On your takeoff, realize that you liftoff speed is not ideal for a back flip and when your forward momentum is more than you expected, change your mind on the back flip thing.
Pick a place to land from way up high
When your eyeballs are about 12 feet above the boat, look down at the boat and try to find a suitable landing pad (read as suitable customer to wipeout) and realize that it is crazy to even be thinking that.
Hold your paddle out to the side to make a maximum wind foil and try to stand on one of your customers shoulders.
Realize you really can’t pick a place to land
Realize that you unfortunately missed your customers shoulders and landed right back in your original launch position (something to do with momentum or objects in motion tend to stay in motion).
Whoops! Went right through the boat!
Realize that you hit so hard you blew out the back tube of you boat.
Realize that you hit so hard that you blew out the material of the boat and not the seam (believe me after rafting for ten years-that takes some effort).
Have the great fortune of having the professional photographer rapid shoot the whole sequence on film then give you the roll in a sealed container to give to his driver at the bottom of the river.
Just floating along behind the boat…
Actually thinking it was cool enough to give the roll of film to the driver (instead of opening the can and ruining the evidence).
Telling the boss the water the water was really running high today thus explaining the ripped boat.
When the boss is looking at the pictures a day later when they are 2×3 feet on the wall of the photo shop, well, what can you say????
Leave a reply